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At one point in my life, I had two successful businesses, four children and of course, my husband. All of them needed my attention, so I did my very best to stretch myself as far as I possibly could to please everyone. It nearly broke me.
There was simply no way to make every practice, every meal, every performance, every school event, every weekend-long tournament and also keep up with endless Zooms and meetings, creative reviews, employee check-ins and sales trips. On top of that, the date nights my husband and I desperately needed — so that, amongst the madness, we stayed connected — were always the first thing sacrificed. They’re the most convenient thing to walk away from because we convince ourselves that they can wait. That we will get there…eventually.
Related: The Most Successful Founders Take Retreats — Here’s Why You Should, Too
I would plan meticulously. And something would always change my plans. Sick kid? Nope, didn’t plan for that. I’d hustle to find care to help watch them while I worked from home, only for that to fall through. And then I’d be juggling everything, sometimes relying on screens to help distract them so I could take a call. Screens as a babysitter? Yes, and I felt as though I had let myself down. I said I would never do that, and yet, there I was — such a hypocrite.
A teacher meeting? Yes, of course I will make a teacher meeting. I’d always move things around to make it work and be fully present. We would discuss some observations, which would translate into learning disabilities that would need support. Didn’t plan on that either. But of course, I would do all the research and everything in my power to support the needs of a child with special needs. New doctors, new appointments, tutoring, exams, neuropsychologists, all of it. None of it was in the perfect plan I had imagined. But we adjust. We show up. We soldier on.
I was fortunate enough to have a husband who supported me through every twist and turn, often taking the lead. I know that not everyone has the luxury of having support from a partner, and I was deeply grateful that I did then and still do now.
And then, in the midst of all of this, an employee at work asked me what I did for self-care. I had to repeat the words back to myself, “self-care?” I didn’t really have an answer. It made me pause and think. What did I do to find peace? I never really prioritized that. Thinking about self-care took me all the way back to my waitressing days, and all I could think was, “If you have time to lean, you have time to clean.” Taking time for myself seemed selfish when I had so much more that I could be doing at any given moment.
My head was constantly spinning until one day I realized it would be impossible to have it all. In fact, you can’t. You will inevitably fail at something. Every day, there was a dropped ball, something I should have prioritized and didn’t. In the effort to have it all, I was constantly failing at something and disappointing myself in the process.
I decided to take a hard look at my desire to control everything in my businesses. I realized I was always doing tasks that really should have been allocated to someone else. Taking some time to analyze what truly needed my attention and what was safe to give away was going to be the key to making my life work.
Related: How Employers Can Help Working Parents Navigate Back-to-School Season
The only way to find peace was acceptance. When I removed that pressure of needing to be everything to everyone, I realized that I was doing the best that I could in each circumstance, and sometimes that meant I couldn’t show up in every way possible. I was going to miss a practice, but I would do my best not to miss a game.
I might not make every performance of the run, but I would always make one. Will I do a Zoom while I am driving the kids to soccer? Absolutely. But instead of thinking about how I should be present with the kids in every single moment, creating an unreasonable amount of guilt, I’ll focus on how to use my time best to make it all come together and be grateful that I could figure it out and make it to both.
Date night with my husband would become a priority because our connection holds our entire world up, and without it, it all starts to crumble. Resentment and frustrations build over time from making too many assumptions when we don’t connect on a deeper level.
Every day, I accept that I will probably fail at something, forget something and not show up in the exact way I planned, and that is okay. A good mom is a happy mom, and by removing all of the pressure to be perfect, I am able to be a better mother, a better wife and most importantly, kinder to myself.
As we head back into the school season and the beautiful chaos of everyday life, I hope that you are kind to yourself, forgive yourself and accept that you can’t do it all — and that is more than okay.
At one point in my life, I had two successful businesses, four children and of course, my husband. All of them needed my attention, so I did my very best to stretch myself as far as I possibly could to please everyone. It nearly broke me.
There was simply no way to make every practice, every meal, every performance, every school event, every weekend-long tournament and also keep up with endless Zooms and meetings, creative reviews, employee check-ins and sales trips. On top of that, the date nights my husband and I desperately needed — so that, amongst the madness, we stayed connected — were always the first thing sacrificed. They’re the most convenient thing to walk away from because we convince ourselves that they can wait. That we will get there…eventually.
Related: The Most Successful Founders Take Retreats — Here’s Why You Should, Too
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